But in the last fifteen minutes, something in me has changed. I have come to a difficult realisation and in response I have sat here and sobbed, alone in the house.
I read this post about a beautiful woman who, having become aware of massive infidelity on her husband's part, rang each one of his mistresses to tell them that she forgave them. Something in this tale struck a cord with me. My husband has never been unfaithful but, as you know, my life has gone through some huge, traumatic changes this last month and i have come to realise how much unforgiveness i am harbouring in my heart against those who have offended my family. In brutal honesty, there have been times this month where i have been full of hatred for these people because of what they have done, and because of their lack of remorse. This is a feeling that i have never felt before, and it has had a massive toll on who i have been lately, and how i have been acting. It has stopped me from living my life freely.
So reading this story, today of all days, made something in my heart break. This woman called those who knew they had wronged her, who had played a part in the destruction of her marriage - not because she had to, or because she had been in the wrong - but because she was aware that forgiveness is something we are called to do. It feels painful to be at this point, knowing that i too need to forgive, regardless of whether my offenders will ever know the true extent of their actions.
Today is good friday; the anniversary of the day that Jesus took up his cross and died for the sins of all humanity. He forgave me. And you know what, knowing that, how can i not forgive those who have hurt me? I really need to try.
Ephesians 4: 31-32 - Get rid of all the bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.