Lately,

For today's 'lately' post i'm linking up with the salad days blog. 

In the build up to exams, reading the Salad days blog posts is quite literally one of the highlights of my day. Sarah is an american expat living just outside Oxford with the most adorable little girl, a great sense of music and a real gift for making you feel as if you're living her life alongside her. Check the blog out, i promise you'll enjoy it!

So here is my first entry to her 'Catch yourself' portrait club. The idea is to take a photo that offers a glimpse of your life. So here i am; curled up on my window seat in sweatpants, studying and watching the world go by. Its not the most exciting picture, but then again my life is not the most exciting right now :)

Forgiveness.

Today has been a relatively normal day. I just posted a post about shoes, for goodness sakes.

But in the last fifteen minutes, something in me has changed. I have come to a difficult realisation and in response I have sat here and sobbed, alone in the house.

I read this post about a beautiful woman who, having become aware of massive infidelity on her husband's part, rang each one of his mistresses to tell them that she forgave them. Something in this tale struck a cord with me. My husband has never been unfaithful but, as you know, my life has gone through some huge, traumatic changes this last month and i have come to realise how much unforgiveness i am harbouring in my heart against those who have offended my family. In brutal honesty, there have been times this month where i have been full of hatred for these people because of what they have done, and because of their lack of remorse. This is a feeling that i have never felt before, and it has had a massive toll on who i have been lately, and how i have been acting. It has stopped me from living my life freely.

So reading this story, today of all days, made something in my heart break. This woman called those who knew they had wronged her, who had played a part in the destruction of her marriage - not because she had to, or because she had been in the wrong - but because she was aware that forgiveness is something we are called to do. It feels painful to be at this point, knowing that i too need to forgive, regardless of whether my offenders will ever know the true extent of their actions.

Today is good friday; the anniversary of the day that Jesus took up his cross and died for the sins of all humanity. He forgave me. And you know what, knowing that, how can i not forgive those who have hurt me? I really need to try.

Ephesians 4: 31-32 - Get rid of all the bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Purchases.

So i went on a splurge and bought new shoes, three pairs to be precise. I swear i've been cooped up in this house so long, i've forgotten the art of self- control whilst shopping. It's a fact, I should no longer be let out of the house. 

These fabulous purchases were made on a rare day out with my best friend. I'm maid of honour at her Christmas wedding this year, so we spent a lovely day at the florist, at wedding dress fittings (man, i wish i could post a pic. This girl is stunning, and her dress is out of this world!) and obviously, a couple of shops here and there...

I justified my purchases with two thoughts. I haven't bought a new pair of shoes for AGES (i held onto this thought until i got home, and was greeted by a pair of pretty-new ankle boots i had conveniently forgotten purchasing); and the shoes were all ridiculously reduced. Those beauties on the bottom (the teal stilettos that scream out 'Maddie!', they were £7! They were only pair left in the store, my exact size and £7 - it would have been rude not to. Luckily, my husband wholeheartedly agreed. I knew there was a reason i married him.

As a side note, i also bought some ridiculously cheap scented candles from primark. Who knew the shop held such treasures. i seriously will never cough up more than £2 for a candle again and given how frequently i buy candles (almost every time i visit the shops - despite a depressing clause in my rental agreement that prohibits me from lighting them!) this is quite a significant promise.